2004-09-30 - 12:12 p.m.
EVEN NERDS TRY TO FUCK YOU
This morning when Howard Stern�s radio show offended me (a daily practice, though I keep coming back for more), I flipped over to the hip hop station. This wack ass song that reminded me of my college years was on. �You put your hand upon my hip, when I dip, you dip, we dip.� It brought me back to the year when I was a freshman. I had a communiations theory class and a major crush on these two guys who sat near me. I�ve always been partial to guys who were slightly geeky, and these two were on the more geeky side. But I found it endearing, and since I was going through a celibate phase, I thought they�d be safe. They invited me to a party and told me to bring all my girlfriends. Yeah, all two of them. I�ve always had more male friends. Wait, don�t all girls say that? Anyway, we show up, and it�s totally a party, if eight of the most pimple-faced, cheesiest dudes standing around in a dimly lit room illuminated only by a black light is your idea of a party. Cute Boy 1 comes up to me and says, �Hey, glad you could come.� Cute Boy 2 starts talking to my roommate. #1 sits me down and pours me a screwdriver. It�s a large glass of vodka with a small splash orange juice. As I sip it I think, whoa, even geeky guys try to get you drunk. The very annoying �You dip� song comes on, and #1 pulls me up with the ever-so-seductive admonition, �Dance with me.� Who are you, Patrick fucking Swayze? I�m thinking, dance to this? He must�ve watched MTV for three days and practiced for four, because he has the steps down pat. (Wait, there were steps to that song? For this guy there were.) I look over at my roommate and #2 is attacking her with the You Dip dance as well. I give her the high sign and we get the hell out of there, after drinking up their vodka, and afer they tried to hook up with us.
So when I hear that awful song, which for some reason is about twice a year, I think of Cute Boys 1 and 2, nice nerds who want to fuck you. Don�t forget the debate tonight, where Kerry stops Bush from trying to fuck you, and taking another four years to do it.
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