2004-06-16 - 9:37 a.m.
HAPPY BLOOMSDAY YOU BUCK MULLIGAN-LOOKIN� MOFO
It�s exactly 100 years after June 16, 1904, the day when James Joyce�s giant mindfuck, Ulysses, takes place. In the book, Stephen Dedalus and Leopold Bloom, two Irish crackheads, share the story of their 24-hour-crack bender. Okay, that�s not entirely true. But if you thought Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was new and innovative when it came out, after reading the Circe chapter of Ulysses, you�ll realize there is nothing new under the sun.
For lunch today, fly to Dublin and have a glass of Burgundy and a Gorgonzola sandwich at the Duke Street Pub. Everybody�s doing it. Then smoke some crack and find the red light district to have your own little Nighttown experience. If you can�t do that, read about the official celebration over in Ireland.
Or if you can�t move your tired little fingers over to your mouse, read the insomnia related Joycian experience Pencopal had last semester after reading Molly�s soliloquy.
Oh my god I�m so tired but I can�t fall asleep I hate my job don�t want to go in tomorrow wonder if I could call out sick no I have to finish that supplement and write that article and hound a few authors about their submissions so that won�t work Shit I shouldn�t have watched the Apprentice that show always gets me riled up so glad that bitch Ereka got kicked off what a whiny bitch I couldn�t stand it when she was interviewed on the show Cool I got paid today but half of it goes to rent and student loans those motherfuckers I hate working just to have to pay those bastards I need to live my life and spend my money on me not pass it right along to Citibank Maybe I�ll say fuck it and go shopping I could use some new clothes okay maybe I don�t need anything but it sure would make me feel better I saw this girl looking me up and down yesterday does she think my clothes are ugly or out of style fuck her who does she think she�s looking at like that I�ll kick her ass or knock her down a flight of steps my legs hurt when I walk up the steps fucking yoga I love it but sometimes it kicks my ass like I stole something Whatever happened to Whoopi Goldberg now she�s got this shitty show where she talks loud and does everything but roll her neck when she speaks I can�t stand that show I think she�s capable of more Remember when she was Guinan on Star Trek the Next Generation and she and Picard would sit around drinking bright blue Romulan ale and she would sense things and guide him toward the truth why isn�t she doing that doesn�t matter anymore that shit got cancelled Wish I knew her so I could tell her that show is an embarrassment and she should really make a new show about Guinan Interstellar Super Star Psychic who travels from galaxy to galaxy passing out advice to leaders It was so funny when I ordered that blue martini and my sweetie�s Dad said it looked like Romulan ale now I�ll never see blue martinis the same and when I drink one I�ll be pretending I�m on Star Trek but no one will know because I�d never admit to that in a million years never admit that when I see someone with overly large teeth I wonder if they�re part Ferengi how do you spell Ferengi and when I see someone with a lot of wrinkles on their forehead I wonder if they could be Bjoran how lame I�m such a nerd but I need to stop prolonging the inevitable and buy those Star Trek the Next Generation DVDs.
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