2004-06-17 - 12:41 p.m.
I�m wearing pink shoes. What devil came along, took my soul, and replaced me with a girl who loves all things pink? I�m afraid for myself. What next, will I spackle my face with makeup like all these aging beauties working against the clock? What happened to WYSIWYG? What happened to Pencopal Unplugged? What happened to being the lone steel pedal guitar in a world that leans toward electric?
Last night I ate mass quantities of wings and poured a gallon of alcohol down my gullet before seeing �The Chronicles of Riddick.� Good advice: When you�re preparing to see a movie that everyone and their grandmother has bashed, get drunk first. That way, the entire night is not a loss, and things that would have seemed colossally stupid when sober will now be funny and amusing.
I enjoyed it: you've got to love big explosions, an anti-hero with a megaton of testosterone to spare, a girl who kicks ass as much as the next guy, and an evil force that reminds you of the Borg. Slighty cheesy, but if I wanted a movie that's depressing and thoughtful I'd see a Nicole Kidman drama. Why do people hate Vin Diesel? Perhaps it�s his racial ambiguity. They don�t know if he�s black or white, so they err on the side of caution and hate him because they can. Because, come on, the whole �he�s stupid� thing doesn�t work: what about all you mofos who paid good money to see Ah-nuld botch the English language on a regular basis? Buying the California governor�s seat does not a genius make. Much of what he said in earlier movies, fuck it, even later ones, is unintelligible. And do you really want an action star who�s a genius, anyway? Should he be spouting fucking Shakespeare while he�s blowing shit up?
�
�
