2004-03-04 - 12:03 p.m.
Last night, I contorted my body into a position I never believed possible. Yoga fucking rocks.
My Wednesday night class is challenging because I can�t stand the teacher. She has a thick Eastern European accent, like she�s from Czechoslovakia or perhaps Poland. Imagine trying to understand words like �Adaho Mukha Svanasana� filtered through a thick Slavic accent. It�s not so easy. Couple that with the fact that she talks incessantly. Part of performing yoga poses properly is finding that internal strength. It�s hard to find internal focus when she�s chattering away, saying condescending things like, �Turn your focus to your breathing and meditate for five minutes. Come on people, it�s not that hard, we�re all adults.� Um yeah, that�s supposed to inspire me to peace? It inspires me to want to punch her in the face. She also has no respect for the fact that most of us are beginners.
�Now I want you to bend at your waist, and let your head fall toward the ground. Good, good. Now come forward, so the top of your head is resting on the ground and your chest meets your thighs. Wrap your arms around your legs so your elbows are supporting your knees. Come on people, try a little harder, don�t give up so easily.�
�Wha?!?! You want me to�but how can I�.this bitch is crazy,� is the general consensus of the class. But for the past two months, I�ve been subjecting myself to her form of torture. The thing is, her class is actually one of the better ones because she pushes the students so hard. She also picks her favorites, and adjusts their poses so they are more advanced. She picks certain people, and the rest of us are left to struggle to figure it out on our own. This pisses me off so much that I�ve reached new levels of flexibility. I�m determined to do the poses as perfectly as I can, to show her I don�t need her fucking help. Not a very yogic sentiment, but even yoga can�t take the fight out of me.
Last night, I did a shoulder stand. Not that hard. You put your hands on your lower back, and lift your legs so you�re resting on your shoulders and your legs are straight up in the air. Makes the heart beat really fast, and it feels pretty good. She tells us to go to the next position, where your legs slowly fall over your head, and the tops of your feet are on the ground above your head. I slowly get into this position, and my neck feels like it�s going to pop, but I�m doing it. It�s not as painful as last time. Aww yeah, I�m thinking. She looks right at me.
�Now, keep your legs on the floor, but bend at your knees, and bring your knees along side your ears. Keep the tops of your feet on the floor.�
I feel like she has issued a direct challenge. I can see the medics having to come in, take me to the hospital, and repair my broken neck, but I�ll be damned if I don�t maneuver myself into this position. Slowly, I bend the knees, pull them in, and my feet automatically come off of the ground. I focus on my breathing and concentrate inside, and my feet return to the floor. It�s all I can do not to start screaming, �Yes! Yes! She shoots, she scores!� but that�s not the type of thing that�s appropriate for a yoga class.
We move into our last position of relaxation. While my body is in corpse pose, I feel tingly heat in my back and in all my muscles. It�s so invigorating to push yourself and reach new levels physically. I�ll be more satisfied when I can push myself, not to prove someone else wrong, but solely for the internal benefits that come with challenging yourself physically.
Chanting streams out of the speakers and as my body begins to cool off I can�t help thinking again, �Yoga fucking rocks.�
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