2004-10-01 - 11:03 a.m.
THE ROMANS ARE COMING
Roman helmet (noun): A fetish in which the male partner lays his penis down the length of his partner's nose with his balls resting upon his partner�s forehead.
Watching last night�s debate was like watching John Kerry give G.W. a 90-minute roman helmet.
VERBAL JOUSTING:
I�m guessing �voshifishly,� is a mispronunciation of �vociferously?� Does he even know what the word means?
Is that the University of Miami football team or Karl Rove yelling, �De-fense, de-fense!�
What is this nu-ca-ler proliferation?
�I know who Osama bin Laden is!� Right. So why�d you just say Saddam Hussain attacked us when it was Old dirty bin Laden? It was a slip, but it proves Bush has confused the lesser threat with the greater one, as Kerry aptly points out.
�I wake up every morning worried about America.� Of course you do, you�re running our country. You SHOULD be concerned. You should get points for doing the most obvious part of your fucking job?
�I�m so sad about Bobby Joe, who died in Iraq. Give me a moment while I pinch myself behind the podium to make my eyes well up with tears.� Oh, the crocodile tears. That was low, even for him. I thought to myself, so this is what a man looks like when he�s getting his ass kicked. He cries his way out of it.
Read this for a real breakdown of the debate�s key points.
LOVE ME LONG TIME
Peace out, suckers. I�ll be in Shit-cago on business until the end of next week. Will you miss me? When I return, I�ll be another year older, but I won�t be any wiser. If you just can�t stand the lack of Pencopal in your life, slip into something more comfortable and click here. Come on, we can do it all over again. It�ll be like the first time.
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