2004-07-01 - 9:56 a.m.
LADIES, GUARD YOUR UTERUSES (UTERI?)
That�s right women. Put your uterus on lock down. Because there's an evil motherfucker, recently reappointed to the Food and Drug Administration's Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs, who wants to take control of it. His name is W. David Hager and he, along with your president, was instrumental in the FDAs decision not make RU486 available over the counter. This pro-life bible manipulator leads the FDA in making key decisions about the availability of different forms of contraception. A man who wants to take your choice away makes decisions that limit the choices you have. In what world does that make sense? Props to Henry Rollins for ranting about this guy during his winter tour.
Hager is not in favor of providing birth control to unmarried women. Upon hearing arguments in favor of making RU486 (Plan B) more widely available, Hager said he heard a lot of people refusing to take responsibility for their actions. What could be more responsible than opting not to bring a child into the world if the woman carrying it isn�t ready to be a parent?
Let�s get silly with this idea, because Pencopal has received numerous complaints about the depressing nature of her political commentary. What if a girl goes to a party and gets four kinds of wasted? Next to her is a passed out, naked, orange-haired freak with bad skin who refuses to wear deodorant. Let�s say our girl and her friends made a pact to wear skirts with no panties to this party. So she gets up to use the bathroom, trips over a bong, and lands directly on orange hair. The angle of her fall and angle of his crooked erection are such that she falls right on top of his dick. And being that orange hair never gets laid, because he is odorously challenged, we have a once and done situation where the mere fact that his dick is inside a vagina makes orange hair cum. Don�t forget that our girl here is as fertile as the day is long. Why shouldn�t she be able to run to Eckerd and get some OTC emergency contraception? If this happens on Friday night and Planned Parenthood isn�t open again until Monday, she might be screwed. So, Mr. Hager, you�ve not only normal everyday people who make honest mistakes, you�ve royal fucked over women who don�t wear panties and the orange haired freaks who accidentally fuck them.
**AgentCrunked, I hope this lame attempt at contraception humor has tickled your ass better than your usual boy toys, and showed you that politics are fun, too. Now be a good boy and don't vote for Nader.**
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