2004-04-30 - 2:01 p.m.
Douche chill.
That�s a funny fucking expression. I�d never heard of it until this week, and yes, I live under a rock in the backyard of a Tennessee trailer park. I was watching Arrested Development on TiVo and in one scene David Cross says, �Douche chill,� in a sing-song voice. I thought I heard it wrong, until he said it again. I turned to my boyfriend.
�Douche chill? I never heard of that.�
He starts cracking up. �It�s not new. At work, K. gives us those all the time.�
�How?�
�You know, when he�s being a douche.�
Hmmm. That totally explains it.
So this afternoon I Googled it to find out the context in which it�s used. Then it crystalized.
A co-worker recently received a bracelet for her five-year anniversary. Our boss, who can never let anyone else have a minute in the spotlight, turns to her and says, �Oooh, I just ordered that. Put it up to my arm so I can see how it�ll look. Oh, it�s going to be fabulous.�
We all cringed. I now understand that it wasn�t a cringe. It was a douche chill. In hindsight, she�s pretty good for those.
Unfortunately, I think I might be, too. We were out to lunch today, and, since my mental jukebox only holds about six tunes, I was still talking about mangina. As I explained it to my friend, I watched her eyes glaze over, and then she shuddered, almost imperceptibly. After my story was finished, she turned to look for the waitress and said, �Can�t we get the fucking check?� I think openly discussing mangina in a semi-nice restaurant gave her a major douche chill. My bad.
At tonight�s Peaches show, I�m sure we�ll be catching major douche chills from the people who actually take her seriously. I�ve dropped the idea of busting out my boa, so I don�t create any of my own.
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