2004-04-28 - 9:36 a.m.
Last night I saw 13 Going on 30. Shut up. Stop laughing. Pastori-i, insert your joke here: _______.
It spoke to my inner child, and I loved it. I can�t get �Love is a Battlefield� out of my head this morning. The only thing odd about it was the guy who played Garner�s boss. My friend leaned over and whispered to me when he first came on screen.
�Holy shit, that�s Andy Serkis, the guy who plays Gollum.�
�No.�
�Yes. I read about it. That�s totally Gollum.�
�My preccccccciiiouusssssssssss,� I responded, always eager to trot out my Gollum impersonation. It�s usually only good once a year, when one of the movies is in theaters. How psyched was I that I could whisper Gollum lines through the entire movie?
I kind of didn�t believe her, but the more I focused on those huge blue eyes, the more I knew she was right. It became distracting. In one scene, he stood in the front of the room, presiding over a staff meeting. I kept waiting for him to hunch down, hobble over to the boardroom table, and slap his hand down, saying �Stupid Hobbitses! You�re not my master. I need my precioussssssss��
At one point they�re doing the thriller dance, and Serkis starts moonwalking. How awesome would it have been if the director superimposed Gollum�s image over Serkis� every few seconds? Just a little flash. Sigh. His character, Richard, was really nervous about the future of their magazine. As the movie progressed, it would�ve been hysterical if his hair started falling out, he got shorter and pastier, and began to talk in an eerie whisper.
�Do you have those photos for Smeagol, my preciousssssssss?�
Only in a perfect world.
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