2004-09-15 - 11:34 a.m.
PARANOIA IS GONNA DESTROY YA
Friday�s Franz Ferdinand show was sick. If you listen to the band, you know the concert was fucking awesome. If they�d been around a little longer, it�d be in my top ten, but since they�re still newbies, so they get slot #11. But the pre-party was just as fun as the show.
We got to Pastori-i�s right after he stopped working his corner. He ran upstairs to take off his makeup and his heels, then we started partying. Lately, I�ve been having a problem with paranoia. In my altered state I watched The Honey and Pastori-i pass a joint back and forth. As their eyes got smaller and redder I thought, oh shit, what if we can�t get to the show b/c The Honey�s to effed up to drive? I can�t drive stick. Oh my god, we�re gonna die. So I reminded him not to get too crazy. I started having visions of us driving to the show and getting into an accident or getting stopped by the cops. I felt my hysteria rising so I started thinking of rainbows. That always seems to work. I leaned back and thought, ah, the pretty rainbows. I put my head on a pillow, and it felt so good. Like cashmere. So I rubbed my head and face all over it. Hopefully it wasn't the pillow Pastori-i uses to cover his nuts when he sits naked at his computer. It didn't smell like anchovies, so I guess it wasn't the same pillow.
I heard Pastori-i and The Honey talking, and I interrupted to say, �Yeah, fuck that,� giving �that� the double middle finger. I had no idea what �that� was, but for the next 20 minutes I proceeded to interrupt them, giving the the double middle finger to whatever topic they were on.
�Slow down there, little gansta,� said Pastori-i.
�Yeah Boi, I�m a straight gangsta,� I said, turning into the love child of Li�l Kim and one of Joe Pesci's mafia characters. I couldn�t help myself from throwing up gang signs. I think the part of me that feels repressed in this white collar world I spent most of my time in wanted to come out and play.
�West si-eeeede!� I said, throwing up the two Ws. The Honey and Pastori-i looked on in horror.
I looked down at my capris, rolled up denim with red piping along the cuff. �Yeah, I�m a motherfucking Crip,� I yelled. �Is a Crip red or blue? No, I think I�m a fucking Blood yo.�
The horror with which they stared at me gave way to laughter. It was one of those things where I felt myself saying unbelievably stupid things, acting like a complete idiot, but I couldn�t stop myself. Being an asshole was fun.
�Hey, look what happens when you turn the West si-ede upside down. You get an M and a W. [Insert hysterical, hyena-like laughter here.] I wish my name was Mike Warner. Then I could throw up an M and a W. People would be all, hey, and I�d be all [insert M and W handshapes here.]
After they finished laughing at me heartily, The Honey began to get concerned.
�Hey hon, are you okay,� he asked, touching my back lightly.
Instead of answering, I threw up my Mike Warner sign.
Pastori-i and The Honey were in full effect with crazy jokes and Pastori-i�s description of the Surreal Life was the funniest shit I ever heard. Too bad I can�t remember it. For the next hour, I was out of commission. Pencopal was no more, in her place was a comedian/wannabe gangster hybrid that wouldn�t shut up. Until we listened to the new Bjork; then I morphed into a philosopher with an acute understanding of human potential.
�This is crazy man,� I mumbled during the ride to the Electric Factory. �It�s like, she�s got the key to life or something. She understands just what humans are capable of, and she�s using more of her inner gifts than any other musician, man. She�s totally stretching her arms out and embracing the extent of the universe with this album. She must have a gift from God or something, seriously. This is just amazing, she�s getting inside the heart of emotion and making music to describe that center. Because we can't all get there, man. It's crazy, I can�t believe I�m hearing this. She must use a greater percentage of her brain to come up with this. Actually, this song�s kind of fucking me up inside. It's hurting my heart. I think I�m going to cry. Can you turn it off?�
So what the fuck does all that mean? I really dug her new album.
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