THE PENCOPAL PROJECT
2004-09-01 - 12:10 p.m.
Dear entertainment media fucks:
Yeah, Iím talking to you: gossip rags, entertainment television, and bloggers. And especially you, New York Times. Weíre using her in similes now? I should slap the shit out of you for that, with your 10 articles alluding to her in the past 30 days. I donít give a fuck about the Hiltons. Stop telling me about them. I donít give a shit if that one bitch found her dog; I donít give a rats ass if the other bitch reached out to her inner trailer park and got hitched in Vegas. How do I know these things? Am I a secret lover of all things Hilton? Fuck no. I know these things because theyíre everywhere. When you look up the word ďpervasiveĒ on Webster.com, a photo of an angular-faced blonde with nasty extensions pops up. I canít escape it. If I see one more photo of these vapid turds I swear Iíll shit wear I stand. Hopefully Iíll be in New York at the time and within smelling distance of the Hilton homestead.
But Iím not mad at these girls. Theyíre not smart enough to have engineered the media blitz inflicted upon us since that the image of that one ho sucking dick and taking it doggie style flew all around the Internet. Iím mad at you entertainment media fucks. Always looking for the next hot thing, you latched on to these two assholes and followed their every move. I'm mad at the masses, who buy into it and find themselves interested in these girls, whose claim to fame is being rich and stupid. What sickens me is the movement to legitimize these socialites, particularly the anorexically skinny one whose pelvic bones jut forward disgustingly. What have they done with their lives that I should give a fuck about them? Are they donating massive amounts of money to the Democratic Party? Are they volunteering their time and energy to get The Asshole out of office? Do they chair charities? Do they contribute something positive to society? Most likely, the answer to many of these questions is no. So, entertainment media, stop telling me about their television shows, book deals, fashion labels, and sexual conquests. Tell me about someone who matters, but most of all, tell me about anyone other than the fucking Hiltons.
Little girl, big mouth
p.s. Shameless self-promoting whore that I am, I sent Gawker my little rant about the Hiltons at 3:58 p.m. At 4:40 p.m., they uploaded this. Boooo. Can no one heed my impassioned plea?