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THE PENCOPAL PROJECT

2004-07-30 - 9:43 a.m.

A HAMSTER MAKES YOU HUMAN

A New York Times article is quite taken with Alexandra Kerry�s story about her dad rescuing her hamster from stormy waters. I was more interested in the photo next to the article, where Alexandra looks like Jennifer Garner with a huge mouth and a big forehead.

BETTER THE MAFIA THAN AL QAEDA

The New York Post, bastion of accuracy and reliability that it is (Gephardt and ginseng must be nasty words over there), ties Kerry contributer Stephen Bing to the mafia. Hmm. Michael Moore and others tie the Bush family to the bin Ladens. Which is worse?

FEELS LIKE FRIDAY

This promises to be a movie weekend. There�s a huge part on Sunday at which I�ll get smashed and embarrass my boyfriend, but somewhere between drinking and apologizing, I�ll try to: 1. See Garden State, Zach Braff�s movie. If you have even the slightest sense of goofy humor, you love this guy on Scrubs. He�s tall, skinny, goofy one. Scrubs is one of the few television shows that make Pencopal laugh out loud. For a half hour straight. Like she�s on the same lithium from which the main character in Garden State is trying to wean himself. As someone who splits her time between Jersey and Philadelphia, it�ll be nice to see a movie featuring a nice section of the state rather than the urban blight of Bayonne.

2. Smoke a fat bowl before seeing Harold and Kumar.

3. Clutch The Honey�s hand while watching The Village.

4. Drool over Denzel Washington and marvel at Meryl Streep in The Manchurian Candidate.

5. Get over "Do the Rockaway." That song is completely meaningless, but I can't even drive in a straight line when it comes on. All I can do is lean back, lean back, uh-huh, lean back, lean back.

**Just got my Franz Ferdinand ticket. It's on like Donkey Kong. "This Fire," brings out the pyromaniac in me. It's very possible that upon hearing it live, I'll set Pastori-i on fire if he's standing too close.

SAID, STUPIDLY

We'll be starting a new feature at the Pencopal Project, called said, stupidly. The section will appear periodically and will consist of something I said, stupidly, during the course of today. Today's installment comes from the hallowed halls of LA Fitness.

"Um, is it possible that by putting too much weight on that machine over there, I could build a muscle on my side that pokes out?" Pencopal asks the trainer, pointing to the obliques machine.

"No, if anything that's going to make your obilques look nicer. It'll flatten them out."

"So what you're telling me is, that little lump on my side is not muscle, it's a little pocket of fat."

The trainer turns bright red. Pencopal starts laughing.

"Damn. Thought it was a muscle," she mutters as she walks away, wondering if it's the alcohol or the Coldstone Creamery that's fucking shit up.

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