2004-07-15 - 3:06 p.m.
DEAD BIRD, DADE COUNTY, and BUSH
I just went into my boss� office to share a little story with her. �Hey, I�m sitting at my desk and I hear a knocking noise. I look up and a bird must�ve hit the window because it�s kind of sliding down the side of the building.�
The whole time I�m telling this story, I can barely get the words out because I�m hysterically laughing. I could almost hear the sound effect as the bird slid down the window. She immediately tears up and starts going on about reflecting windows being notorious for breaking birds� necks. (So that�s what� she�s been working on all afternoon, an article on preventing birds from crashing into windows.) Where�s her sense of humor?
I sober up from my laughter and say, �I�m sorry, I thought you�d find that funny. It was kind of like a cartoon.�
�Why would I find that amusing? I�m an ANIMAL LOVER!� she kind of yelled.
Whoops. I like animals, too, but that shit was still funny.
In other news, Jeb�s preparing his state to fuck up the electoral process, part deux. Is two times a charm? Looks like he�s getting ready to help his brother steal the white house, again.
Angels in America got the most Emmy nominations. That�s hot. It made me cry like a newborn, but it�s the best thing I�ve seen on television in years. I thought about the miniseries last week as I was shaving my bush. Pencopal, I thought, bush-shaving is annoying. I�m too scared to get a brazilian wax, but shaving makes me worry about nicking myself and being out of commission for a few days. I wonder if I should let it grow all crazy and shit like that Mary Louise Parker chick on Angels in America. Remember that one scene where she�s standing there, naked, and it looks like a bat is hanging over her pussy? That was the craziest bush I�d ever seen. But in terms of grooming, no fuss, no muss, right? Shit, I�ve got The Honey on lockdown because I�ve asked him all the �would you love me if I had one arm,� or �would you love me if I was ugly� questions�and he always says yes. An unkempt bush is much easier to deal with than trying to fuck a girl with one arm, so it shouldn�t be a problem. But my Fredericks of Hollywood outfits would look pretty grizzly with all that bush hanging out. Kind of like putting a g-string on the back of a doll�s head. I�d also have to invest in one of those bathing suits with the skirts, to hide all that hair. Hey, how come in those trashy romance novels I used to read in high school, the author called the pubic area a �venus mons.� Who says that? Excuse me I have to trim my venus mons. Anyway, I got tired just thinking about those bush issues, so I continued with my neatly groomed landing strip.
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