2004-05-24 - 4:38 p.m.
This weekend taught me two things: The Green Lantern has sweaty hands and Brad Pitt is very, very pretty.
I found out about the Green Lantern�s follicle problem at the comic convention in Philly this weekend. Since my boyfriend has plans to enter the comic book industry in two years, I figured it would be a show of good faith to support his interests and accompany him to the show. At a minimum, gawking at fanboys would pass the time if I became bored. I was taking pictures with random costumed folk to amuse myself and to embarrass my boyfriend, who seemed disturbed at any overt excitement. I guess the key to these things is to find them interesting, but not to appear interested, because, well, that�s for geeks. At any rate, I saw a man leaning against a fixture, breathing heavy and looking weary. He wore a rubber suit, which was enough reason for me to say, who�s this guy? I want a picture with him. My boyfriend and our friend looked at me with disdain, and told me it was the Green Lantern, as if I�d picked up a picture of Jesus and asked who it was. The Green Lantern did his signature stance, I guess, which is to say that he put his hands on his hips and jutted his chest toward the camera. How manly, which is hard to achieve while wearing a rubber suit. We took a picture, and when I shook his hand, it squished in mine. When he let my hand go, it was covered with a clear liquid, which I can only hope was sweat and not residue from a leaky boil. Hot.
Troy was an almost-three hour homage to Brad Pitt�s beauty. The director obviously wants to fuck him. Here�s a synopsis:
There�s a war.
Brad Pitt�s ass.
There�s more fighting.
Brad Pitt�s ass and his happy trail.
There�s this thing called war.
Brad Pitt�s ass.
Orlando Bloom is a sissy. That Incredible Hulk guy is buff, tough, and sexy.
Brad Pitt�s hair flutters in the wind.
Troy begins to fall.
Brad Pitt�s chiseled features are captured in the moonlight.
Troy falls.
Brad Pitt dies, beautifully, of course.
The end.
**I�d pay good money to see him in a remake of Caligula.**
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