2004-05-13 - 11:45 a.m.
I signed up for the John Kerry campaign. If you are an independent, Pencopal might be knocking on your door one of these weekends between now and November. You might remember me from the 1996 Clinton campaign. I was the fresh-eyed college student who jammed literature from the Democratic party into your hands, beaming a smile in your direction that bordered on being righteous. I may have called myself Petunia or Penelope, if you caught me toward the end of the day when my feet were tired and I was trying to amuse myself.
I was inspired to volunteer my time for Kerry�s campaign after I saw the photos from Abu Ghraib. Disgusting. At first, thinking of all those dead people from 9/11, my uncle among them, I thought, good. Shove three flashlights up their asses at the same time, I don�t care. A moment later, I was ashamed that thought even crossed my mind. What sets us apart from them if we act like animals? Aren�t there things you just don�t do to a human being? Of course, Rumsfeld�s trying to downplay it, calling it prisoner humiliation. I�d like to take pictures of his wife�s saggy tits and show them to the world. Force him to jerk off in front of a camera. Put his family in a pile of naked bodies and jump on them. Let�s see if he calls it humiliation then.
Last night I looked for books to add to my summer reading list. But with two grad school summer classes, I�ll be reading 30 books between now and August. Fiction is out of the question. I think I�ll make this the summer of God. Because I keep asking myself, where the fuck is he while our world is spinning out of control? I could barely breathe driving across the bridge from Philly to New Jersey last week (and no, it wasn�t the stench), because the Ben Franklin Bridge seems like a perfect target for those terrorist fucks to kill a bunch of us. I've become so fear based lately.
Back to the summer of God. I�ve never been much for organized religion; sitting in a church for me is like gasping for air through a gag in my mouth and a cloth over my nose. While organized religion is brainwashing with a side of Jesus, there�s room for everyone with spirituality.
So this summer, it's all about me and the higher power. I plan to read �The New American Spirituality,� by Elizabeth Lesser, co-founder of the Omega Institute for Holistic Living in Rhinebeck, N.Y. Omega was host to two pivotal points in my life, so I figure the woman who created the retreat might have something good to say. I also bought �The Unknown God: Searching for Spiritual Fulfillment,� by Alister E. McGrath, �The Living Tao: Meditations on the Tao Te Ching to Empower Your Life,� by Steve Kaufman, and �Wheels of Life: A User's Guide to the Chakra System,� by Anodea Judith. Books on spirituality seem to fly off the regular priced shelves to the discount racks at Barnes and Noble with the quickness. Maybe I�ll reread �The Wisdom of Insecurity,� by Alan Watts, just to keep it real.
I feel like I've changed from 80% nice, 20% bitch to 50% bitch, 30% nice, and 20% asshole.
By the end of the summer, I hope to have regained my naturally sunny disposition.
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