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THE PENCOPAL PROJECT

2004-04-21 - 11:52 a.m.

An article in today�s books section of the New York Times has me PISSED OFF.

In a review of Marita Golden�s "Don't Play in the Sun: One Woman's Journey Through the Color Complex," the author synthesizes Golden�s exploration of light skin vs. dark skin within the African American community down to a one and a half page argument. That argument is that those with lighter skin tones are viewed in a more positive light by society, within the black community and outside of it. The last half page of the article presents the opposing view, but in my opinion, it�s too late.

According to the article, Golden believes that this �color complex� has the ability to �ensnare light-skinned blacks in a web of stereotypes about their racial allegiances or feelings of superiority to darker blacks.�

I say fuck that. It�s bullshit, and I�m disgusted that a whole book has been written about it. Perhaps I should write the counter-argument. While I agree that a color complex does exist within the African American community, I don�t believe light-skinned people are the sole proprietors of it.

Countless times from grade school to high school I was referred to as banana or yellow. One girl brought trouble to my life for an entire year, because I was �a yellow bitch who thought she was cute.� Luckily enough for me, I was in a bad mood the day the taunting went from verbal to physical, and I beat that bitch like she stole something. Yeah you, Alicia, in Liverpool, N.Y., remember when I hit you in the head with that telephone? Hope you�ve still got a bump.

For Golden to say that the color complex engages light skinned people in feelings of superiority is a complete and utter lie, in my opinion. I have never met another black woman with light skin who thought she was hot shit because of it. In fact, throughout most of our lives, we�ve been defending ourselves because of it. Almost apologizing for it, because everyone else thinks we think we�re better, when that�s not the case. Perhaps some people within the community suffer from an inferiority complex.

Why don�t people ever fucking take responsibility for how they feel about themselves? Why do they always blame it on everyone else?

I went to a party this weekend. This bitch kept talking about how short I was, how walking next to me made her feel so tall. My friend said, yeah, Pencopal�s short but she packs a mean punch. The bitch said, I know, I�m slightly scared of her, and I said, as you should be, I�m short but I�ll step on you.

When I asked my friend why the girl was obviously trying to start some shit, my friend said, she�s jealous of your body.

This totally proves my point. Should I stop working out and start eating mass quantities of food so this bitch can feel better about herself in my presence? Should I start wearing a fucking burka so these bitches will stop reacting to my size and treat me like a person rather than someone they have to shit on because they have low self-esteem? Perhaps I should wear a mask and gloves so people with darker skin than me won�t automatically think, �She thinks she�s hot shit.�

I don�t think everyone out there is so focused on body issues and color issues. Maybe I just have to do a better job of making sure I don�t keep ending up in the presence of people who are so focused on it.

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